God Tap - Woman on the Road
It's been a rough week. Not in terms of outside forces, influences or situations. The battle has gone on in my head. I'm a woman who wants to do it all: serve, parent, be a great spouse, be available to friends, have a thriving jewelry business, be a contributing worker, minister, have regular devotional time with God, and the list goes on. While I'm putting in my order, can I add one more thing: I want to be great at all of it. I think a lot of people are looking at this list and saying, "Me too", even if a few specifics change. The thing is, I'm beginning to understand that for me, wanting to do a lot actually contradicts my goal of being great at ANY of it.
Yesterday, it all just came to a head. I was trying to add something else into my schedule and made the mistake of writing down what I do in a typical month so I could see where this new venture would fit. Honestly, I had no idea how busy my life has gotten. I just knew I'd been feeling a bit ground down lately. When I saw it all, I couldn't help but feel some adjustments needed to be made. As a result, I did something I don't remember doing, ever (although it seems like I MUST have, I just can't recall): I told my family I needed to take a drive and I left.
I drove to where I could be near the water and I picked a stop where there were several crosses, memorials to fallen loved ones. I talked out loud, my prayer to God. I complained, I questioned, I asked for direction...and I waited. I spent my time watching fish jump out of the water, listening to fisherman discuss why they couldn't actually capture said fish and continued to look for a presence from God that was just for me. After the first hour, it seemed like I should be heading home but couldn't get myself to leave. Well into the second hour, darkness was fast approaching and still, I didn't feel that I had anymore insight to what I needed to focus on, and what to let go. My last prayer was, "Lord, you're going to have to tell me when it's time to go home." A few minutes later, I looked into my rear view mirror, and there was a woman walking along the side of the road. I could tell by the way she was dressed, she wasn't walking for her health. As I watched her, I felt this impression on my heart, "You're her ride." Now let me be clear: I don't pick up hitch hikers. As a woman, I feel I have to be prudent about safety, especially with my daughter riding with me so often. But this was different. I knew it would be okay and I knew that this was the answer to my last prayer. It was time to head home.
I started my car, and yelled across the street, "Ma'am? Can I give you a ride?" She came to me and said, "No, someone's coming from Crestview to get me." (For those who don't live locally, it was about 45 minutes from where we were.) We talked quickly about where she was going and I told her I could get here there. I was supposed to but that part I kept to myself. I said, "Listen, if you put out your cigarette, you can tell your friend he doesn't have to drive down here, you don't have to walk in the dark, and I can get you home." For a minute, she actually considered not taking the ride for that cigarette. I said, "You can finish your cigarette. I'll wait for you." After a pause, she put it out and got into the van saying, "I don't know what I was thinking. Thanks for the ride", checking to see if anyone else was in my back seats as she climbed in.
My new driving companion, "N" and I set off and I learned her boyfriend had left her at a children's park. By the time I saw her, she'd already walked a few miles. When I asked about this friend who was coming down from Crestview to pick her up, she said she really didn't have friends nearby that would come get her. I suggested she may need new friends, and she agreed. When my conversation with "N" began, she swore a lot. Not in an agitated way but in a way that I knew these words were such a part of her world, it didn't sound like profanity anymore. During the course of our 20 minute drive, she shared that she had been regularly beaten as a child, her husband left her after 17 years, she'd raised a son she was proud of and was adamant about breaking the cycle of abuse, her 21 year old nephew was starting a 30 year prison sentence, she'd managed a liquor store for 5 years, she'd had a miscarriage and had given another son up for adoption to give him a better life. This precious woman, who's existence I didn't know of only just a few minutes earlier, was sharing her life and her heart with me. The conversation started with so much profanity coming from her lips but as we talked I watched a softening take place. By the time our drive came to an end she was saying, "Thank the Lord..." She may have thought I was doing her a favor but in that car ride, she was my answer to prayer.
I have always had a passion for women's ministry, especially one-on-one and during these minutes in the car, I had a "quickening", that KNOWING that God is WITH you. In those minutes I was given permission to pursue my passions and surrender everything else. I can pursue the studies I want to pursue, serve in ways that are meaningful to ME and the rest, it's not mine.
This process of picking up and putting down, it won't be over night, but the knowledge I can...it's a place to start.
Yesterday, it all just came to a head. I was trying to add something else into my schedule and made the mistake of writing down what I do in a typical month so I could see where this new venture would fit. Honestly, I had no idea how busy my life has gotten. I just knew I'd been feeling a bit ground down lately. When I saw it all, I couldn't help but feel some adjustments needed to be made. As a result, I did something I don't remember doing, ever (although it seems like I MUST have, I just can't recall): I told my family I needed to take a drive and I left.
I drove to where I could be near the water and I picked a stop where there were several crosses, memorials to fallen loved ones. I talked out loud, my prayer to God. I complained, I questioned, I asked for direction...and I waited. I spent my time watching fish jump out of the water, listening to fisherman discuss why they couldn't actually capture said fish and continued to look for a presence from God that was just for me. After the first hour, it seemed like I should be heading home but couldn't get myself to leave. Well into the second hour, darkness was fast approaching and still, I didn't feel that I had anymore insight to what I needed to focus on, and what to let go. My last prayer was, "Lord, you're going to have to tell me when it's time to go home." A few minutes later, I looked into my rear view mirror, and there was a woman walking along the side of the road. I could tell by the way she was dressed, she wasn't walking for her health. As I watched her, I felt this impression on my heart, "You're her ride." Now let me be clear: I don't pick up hitch hikers. As a woman, I feel I have to be prudent about safety, especially with my daughter riding with me so often. But this was different. I knew it would be okay and I knew that this was the answer to my last prayer. It was time to head home.
I started my car, and yelled across the street, "Ma'am? Can I give you a ride?" She came to me and said, "No, someone's coming from Crestview to get me." (For those who don't live locally, it was about 45 minutes from where we were.) We talked quickly about where she was going and I told her I could get here there. I was supposed to but that part I kept to myself. I said, "Listen, if you put out your cigarette, you can tell your friend he doesn't have to drive down here, you don't have to walk in the dark, and I can get you home." For a minute, she actually considered not taking the ride for that cigarette. I said, "You can finish your cigarette. I'll wait for you." After a pause, she put it out and got into the van saying, "I don't know what I was thinking. Thanks for the ride", checking to see if anyone else was in my back seats as she climbed in.
My new driving companion, "N" and I set off and I learned her boyfriend had left her at a children's park. By the time I saw her, she'd already walked a few miles. When I asked about this friend who was coming down from Crestview to pick her up, she said she really didn't have friends nearby that would come get her. I suggested she may need new friends, and she agreed. When my conversation with "N" began, she swore a lot. Not in an agitated way but in a way that I knew these words were such a part of her world, it didn't sound like profanity anymore. During the course of our 20 minute drive, she shared that she had been regularly beaten as a child, her husband left her after 17 years, she'd raised a son she was proud of and was adamant about breaking the cycle of abuse, her 21 year old nephew was starting a 30 year prison sentence, she'd managed a liquor store for 5 years, she'd had a miscarriage and had given another son up for adoption to give him a better life. This precious woman, who's existence I didn't know of only just a few minutes earlier, was sharing her life and her heart with me. The conversation started with so much profanity coming from her lips but as we talked I watched a softening take place. By the time our drive came to an end she was saying, "Thank the Lord..." She may have thought I was doing her a favor but in that car ride, she was my answer to prayer.
I have always had a passion for women's ministry, especially one-on-one and during these minutes in the car, I had a "quickening", that KNOWING that God is WITH you. In those minutes I was given permission to pursue my passions and surrender everything else. I can pursue the studies I want to pursue, serve in ways that are meaningful to ME and the rest, it's not mine.
This process of picking up and putting down, it won't be over night, but the knowledge I can...it's a place to start.
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