Driven or Pushed?
I started this post sometime in the summer of 2013 and never finished it:
I am having one of those days that makes me wonder if I'm being driven by God or pushed by the enemy. It's a day that I look at my life and I'm blessed by activity that I LOVE to do but there is a LOT of it. I'm also finding that there is a string of days like this and it's hard for me to quiet my mind.
After 2011 and 2012 being years of either illness or unemployment filling my days, I feel BLESSED to have this exhale of JOY. Working, serving, catching up on all the house needs that we had to ignore when money wasn't coming in, having opportunities to fellowship in ways we couldn't during the same season...these are all GOOD things. So why am I so cranky?
There are so many elements of me that are driven to DO (in no particular order): woman, wife, mommy, Christian, oldest sibling, business owner, role model, mentor, leader, minister, employee, artist and friend. Doors are OPEN and I WANT to walk through them, it's just hard to discern what I should put down and what is mine to pick up. How do I prioritize so that I'm EFFECTIVE and not just EXISTING?
A part of me believes there is time for rest LATER in my life, that I better make the most of the opportunities, invitations and activities NOW. I don't want to look back and feel I MISSED anything, like I do today as I see all the wrong turns of my youth.
And today on January 2, 2014, I've finally finished my thought:
I guess I feel a bit that I'm making up for it now, trying to do righteous in double time what sin stole from me in my days coming up.
The caution though is this: Am I following a path laid out for me or am I allowing myself to be blindly pushed through my life so I miss a step along the way? I want to follow God into each day. I don't want to allow the enemy to crowd my day and cloud my mind so the next moment is no longer a deliberate act but I'm just hanging on for dear life.
It's time to take a breath. It's okay to say no. It's okay to delay. It's okay to be still. For too many of us, it doesn't occur to us that these are things that may need permission to be given. Or worse, we don't give ourselves permission to do them even after we know.
This year, I will be LESS so I can be MORE. Less rushed so I can be more present. Less concerned about the desires of my body so I can be more the me I was created to be. Less stuff in my life so there is more appreciation for what I already have. Less indulgence and more simplicity. Less noise and more peace. It's not going to be perfect but I have not been built for perfection. I'm just looking for a better version of me than I have been. Happy 2014! Cheers!
I am having one of those days that makes me wonder if I'm being driven by God or pushed by the enemy. It's a day that I look at my life and I'm blessed by activity that I LOVE to do but there is a LOT of it. I'm also finding that there is a string of days like this and it's hard for me to quiet my mind.
After 2011 and 2012 being years of either illness or unemployment filling my days, I feel BLESSED to have this exhale of JOY. Working, serving, catching up on all the house needs that we had to ignore when money wasn't coming in, having opportunities to fellowship in ways we couldn't during the same season...these are all GOOD things. So why am I so cranky?
There are so many elements of me that are driven to DO (in no particular order): woman, wife, mommy, Christian, oldest sibling, business owner, role model, mentor, leader, minister, employee, artist and friend. Doors are OPEN and I WANT to walk through them, it's just hard to discern what I should put down and what is mine to pick up. How do I prioritize so that I'm EFFECTIVE and not just EXISTING?
A part of me believes there is time for rest LATER in my life, that I better make the most of the opportunities, invitations and activities NOW. I don't want to look back and feel I MISSED anything, like I do today as I see all the wrong turns of my youth.
And today on January 2, 2014, I've finally finished my thought:
I guess I feel a bit that I'm making up for it now, trying to do righteous in double time what sin stole from me in my days coming up.
The caution though is this: Am I following a path laid out for me or am I allowing myself to be blindly pushed through my life so I miss a step along the way? I want to follow God into each day. I don't want to allow the enemy to crowd my day and cloud my mind so the next moment is no longer a deliberate act but I'm just hanging on for dear life.
It's time to take a breath. It's okay to say no. It's okay to delay. It's okay to be still. For too many of us, it doesn't occur to us that these are things that may need permission to be given. Or worse, we don't give ourselves permission to do them even after we know.
This year, I will be LESS so I can be MORE. Less rushed so I can be more present. Less concerned about the desires of my body so I can be more the me I was created to be. Less stuff in my life so there is more appreciation for what I already have. Less indulgence and more simplicity. Less noise and more peace. It's not going to be perfect but I have not been built for perfection. I'm just looking for a better version of me than I have been. Happy 2014! Cheers!
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