A Line Erased

I, like many Christians, say the following words as part of my prayer life: “God, as I go through my day, put someone in front of me that I can be Jesus for.”  It is a way of asking for opportunities to be loving to someone else as I have been loved by God.  The answer to this prayer isn’t always one that I anticipate or even prepare for but I pray with the expectation that God will equip me for whatever situation the answer will come.  The other day, God answered my request in a unique way:  I was placed in front of a past coworker who is transgender. In this person, this meant a male whose identity feels female within.

Much of our conversation centered around his transgender issues. He wondered if I knew when we worked together (it’s been over 10 years but I did because he’d told me then). He talked about his current support groups, his struggles as someone trying to express his truth, his regrets in not maintaining supportive relationships, how hard it was to find work as a transgender, having to choose between a military career and his identity, the misunderstandings even within his own circles, conversations with his mother, his desire to be fearless when telling people for the first time and more.  He also showed great patience with my questions about how his body would change with hormone therapy, what his daily struggles were like and the many facets of a journey that has lasted for decades.  In the hour we talked I watched him fight to hold back tears as he shared his different stories and it seemed he was having to work so hard to find peace.
 

As we talked, I prayed that God would give me an opportunity to share my faith, not to use as a weapon or political platform…but as a bridge. This was an opportunity not to bend my convictions, alter my beliefs or stand in agreement but it WAS an opportunity to be compassionate, to show love to another of God’s beloved children. For the time we were together, I could be a safe harbor in his day.

The answer to my prayer came in this form:  As I heard my friend’s story unfold, I couldn’t help but draw out the similarities to mine.   Stripped of details, many of his words could have been my own:

- When I “came out” as a Christian, I was scared to tell people in my life too.   What would they think?  Would they take me seriously?  Would I be able to live out my truth in front of the people I loved the most?  Would they accept me?  Would they understand what it meant?  Would they allow me to move forward in who I am or try to pull me back into who I was?

- There are jobs that don’t allow the Christian identity to be lived into.  “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is another way of saying the unspoken rule, “Do it on your own time”. 

- Christianity is often persecuted and misunderstood by people who have never tried to understand what it’s like to walk in my shoes. 

- I, too, have cringed when certain people call themselves “Christian”.  They are represented in the media and in our communities as the norm when they are in truth, the extreme, the deviant and quite frankly, the jerks.  Yes, there are jerks in ALL circles.

I was a bit clumsy in my sharing of these conclusions but it was a precious moment when he shared that he had a faith life as well.
 

As we talked, I also noticed a huge difference between us:  My friend isn’t trying to recruit anyone.  I, on the other hand, would LOVE for people to know my joy and peace in Jesus Christ.  Join me, won’t you?

I couldn’t help but also wonder if I was as courageous as my friend.  He wears feminine clothes and a scarf hair band to cover his balding head. People can SEE who he’s trying to be.  Do I WEAR my faith?  Am I desperate for people to know me as a Christ follower?  Jesus isn’t someone you put in a closet.   I want people to see me and within moments, know my truth.  Regardless of the consequences, He is such a part of me that it must be part of my identity without question.  Yes, it can be a life tinted by fear. Fear of persecution, fear of rejection, fear of misunderstanding.  Fearful things come in many forms.  You get to the point, however, that fear is just so much smaller and insignificant than living into your authentic life.  Do you get it right all the time?  No. Is integration an awkward endeavor?  Sometimes it is. Is it worth the effort?  Absolutely.
 

There are many people who would place my friend and me on the opposite sides of a hard line.  I just don’t think Jesus would be one of them.  The Bible lists a whole lot of things I shouldn’t DO, for my sake and for the sake of those around me but there is also a loving compassion for who I AM and certainly, a cheering on of who I can become with God.   Our humanity is more than our struggles within the confines of fat, muscle, sinew, brain, entrails and bone.  We are souls navigating our way in a fallen world with its input filtered through these unpredictable and vulnerable bodies.  We weren’t all dealt the same hand but we’re all playing from the same deck.  

As Christians, our greatest commandment is to LOVE. Jesus lived, and died, LOVE.  How can I call myself a Christ follower and that not be my CENTER?  To be honest, in my humanity, I have been less than loving on many occasions.  Trust me, I am as fractured as the next person and will be a work in progress for the rest of my days.  In my Spirit, however, I do strive to be worthy of wearing a mantle that was given to me by Jesus out of HIS compassion for ME. 

I will not be the one to draw the line because I thank God everyday He didn’t draw one for me.