It's Not a Push When You Jumped First

Christians walk a fine line, and many times a razor's edge, when it comes to being authentic in our faith and not wanting to be isolated in, and from, the world.  We are employees, friends and family members to people who don't relate, and in some cases, condemn our spiritual decisions...so it begins the silence.  It begins the adjustments, the compromise.  It begins the double life, the person within divided.  The faith-filled become watered-down, shadow versions of ourselves.

It is my desire to shake up what someone might see a Christian as being. I do my best to start with LOVE where so often we are seen first as hypocritical, condemning and self-righteous. (And in all fairness, all of us CAN fall into those places at any given moment.) Unfortunately, what starts under the guise of love puts me in compromised positions: While I try not to assert my spiritual viewpoint for someone else's comfort, while I try to go along to show Christians can still be fun and cool too, along the way I stop being me.  I dismiss my discomfort as a price to be paid as I navigate my way through a secular world but that isn't it.  I've recently had to face the realization that my silence about that discomfort had turned into the perceived acceptance of the very things that made me uncomfortable, of the person I no longer want to be.  I had silenced my way, and so participated, in conversations that were foul and broken, for the sake of fitting in.  I had compromised my way into secular acceptance until I had to face the fact that I had willingly walked into situations that were separate from my faith. The truth is, I don't want to be a Sunday-only Christian. I don't want my faith to be a novelty or just an aspect of myself. I want to be defined by it and wear it as my skin, not just as clothing I can discard when the situation fits or it doesn't suit my audience. 

We walk a fine line, and sometimes a razor's edge, to minister or walk with non-believers.  More than once, someone has said, "I know this is going to make you uncomfortable but..." or "I know this is going to offend you but..." and I just sat there while they cared so little about my beliefs they told the story anyway. It angers me to think of it, as much for me as for that situation.  I had agreed in my silence. In that desire to be inclusive and included I found myself on the side of the world and not my God. It pains me to know that I wasn't pushed. I jumped.

It would be so easy to only associate with Christian friends and family. It would be comfortable to just speak our language and be consistently in agreement throughout my day.  I would love to be COMFORTABLE. I just don't believe that's what we're called to do. Jesus was bold. He navigated His way among all people and never tried to disguise Himself, even when He was being persecuted.  What He did do was love all and when it became necessary, disagreed, while maintaining love.  It's the middle part we dismiss or do without respect, and that's where navigation becomes tricky. It's also where courage begins, courage to be authentic and if necessary to walk away, comfortable with exclusion.

As I continue the rest of my life, I am praying for mutual respect, a tempering of tongues and for common ground to be found so relationships can continue and  love has a place to flourish.  I ask for grace when I get it wrong and I will extend that to you. I just want the world to know that I strive to be guided by the Holy Spirit, that my compass is Jesus and that God is the authority in my life. Nice to meet you.