Pull the Book
In the days I was partying in Manila and Montreal (all between the ages of 15 and 20 years old), it would never have occurred to me that you could have a good time without drinking. If drugs made an appearance, that was fine too. I wanted to feel FREE and I didn't care what it would take for me to get there, whether it was chemically or in the arms of a new boy on the dance floor. As I look back it was such an illusion, this notion of intoxicated freedom. I didn't see the oxymoron then. I was just a moron.
There was something heady about being in places I wasn't supposed to be, in the fullness of my youth and with others who would take me into the night, pushing the boundaries of the law, propriety and good judgement. We dared the world to tell us we couldn't in the blissful ignorance that only youthful exuberance could bring. We didn't think beyond the moments of a bad decision and our lack of experience limited our imaginations to all the dangers that lurked in every dark night club and stranger's home. In the right lighting, with the right clothes and lots of make-up, anyone can look glamorous. You can hide in the darkness of the night life. When you look through eyes clouded by a chemical haze, everyone's beautiful, and while you're out, you can pretend you're one of the beautiful people too. When no one knows you and no one cares, you can be whatever you want to be...until the lights come on and you go back to your life.
If you'd asked me, as that girl, what I imagined a Christian party might look like,I would have pictured the rec room of a church basement, barren of decoration and filled with laced up, pinch-faced people standing in silence between servings of casseroles, cookies and punch. I would have felt sorry for them, these sad souls chained to a God who never let them have any fun. Not like me, the party girl who was FREE. I was the party girl who was free to wake up to regret, hangovers, confusion, fear and tenuous relationships. Yeah. I was free.
Today, I AM a Christian. Today I have a working KNOWLEDGE of how Christians party and I say this in TRUTH: I wouldn't trade what I have today for what I had THEN. It is just...too...good. I STILL party with my friends but they are gatherings I can show up as MYSELF, and not some facade of who I am. The laughter is LOUD, not because drinking and drugs got us there, but our joy in EACH OTHER is OVERFLOWING. Regret isn't waiting in the next day anymore. Decisions are made that are HONORABLE and GOOD and LOVING. Relationships are STRONG and DEEP and REAL. We do life TOGETHER.
I have looked around at the Christian people I do parties with today. In a quiet moment, I find myself thinking it's like someone pulled the book on a hidden panel and this whole other WORLD was revealed. The Christians that I KNOW, not the numb nuts who represent us in the agenda-pushing media, are among the most intelligent, hilarious, KIND, compassionate, tender, strong, creative and generous (to ALL, not a select few) people, I have met in my entire LIFE. For many, it's THESE people that are still hidden behind the secret panel. (And, yes, casseroles and cookies still show up but THOSE are good too! Christian folks can cook, y'all!)
I won't pretend that I haven't met a couple of pinch-faced Christians too. There can be misguided folks in every community but they've got their own story to tell.
Today, I KNOW freedom: Freedom through forgiveness, redemption, mercy and grace. I know the freedom of waking up with PEACE and HOPE, regardless of what life throws at me, and despair is a distant memory. I pulled The Book and in its pages I discovered a party that never ends and no one keeps you out, unless it's your own refusal to walk through the doors. When you're ready, you are always welcome. God's arms are always open.
These days, I don't mind if I sound corny, lame or old-fashioned. The darker this world gets, the more "old-fashion" I could use.
I will never stop wanting to have a good time but now I know it's not a place I have to find. I can bring it with me wherever I go.
There was something heady about being in places I wasn't supposed to be, in the fullness of my youth and with others who would take me into the night, pushing the boundaries of the law, propriety and good judgement. We dared the world to tell us we couldn't in the blissful ignorance that only youthful exuberance could bring. We didn't think beyond the moments of a bad decision and our lack of experience limited our imaginations to all the dangers that lurked in every dark night club and stranger's home. In the right lighting, with the right clothes and lots of make-up, anyone can look glamorous. You can hide in the darkness of the night life. When you look through eyes clouded by a chemical haze, everyone's beautiful, and while you're out, you can pretend you're one of the beautiful people too. When no one knows you and no one cares, you can be whatever you want to be...until the lights come on and you go back to your life.
If you'd asked me, as that girl, what I imagined a Christian party might look like,I would have pictured the rec room of a church basement, barren of decoration and filled with laced up, pinch-faced people standing in silence between servings of casseroles, cookies and punch. I would have felt sorry for them, these sad souls chained to a God who never let them have any fun. Not like me, the party girl who was FREE. I was the party girl who was free to wake up to regret, hangovers, confusion, fear and tenuous relationships. Yeah. I was free.
Today, I AM a Christian. Today I have a working KNOWLEDGE of how Christians party and I say this in TRUTH: I wouldn't trade what I have today for what I had THEN. It is just...too...good. I STILL party with my friends but they are gatherings I can show up as MYSELF, and not some facade of who I am. The laughter is LOUD, not because drinking and drugs got us there, but our joy in EACH OTHER is OVERFLOWING. Regret isn't waiting in the next day anymore. Decisions are made that are HONORABLE and GOOD and LOVING. Relationships are STRONG and DEEP and REAL. We do life TOGETHER.
I have looked around at the Christian people I do parties with today. In a quiet moment, I find myself thinking it's like someone pulled the book on a hidden panel and this whole other WORLD was revealed. The Christians that I KNOW, not the numb nuts who represent us in the agenda-pushing media, are among the most intelligent, hilarious, KIND, compassionate, tender, strong, creative and generous (to ALL, not a select few) people, I have met in my entire LIFE. For many, it's THESE people that are still hidden behind the secret panel. (And, yes, casseroles and cookies still show up but THOSE are good too! Christian folks can cook, y'all!)
I won't pretend that I haven't met a couple of pinch-faced Christians too. There can be misguided folks in every community but they've got their own story to tell.
Today, I KNOW freedom: Freedom through forgiveness, redemption, mercy and grace. I know the freedom of waking up with PEACE and HOPE, regardless of what life throws at me, and despair is a distant memory. I pulled The Book and in its pages I discovered a party that never ends and no one keeps you out, unless it's your own refusal to walk through the doors. When you're ready, you are always welcome. God's arms are always open.
These days, I don't mind if I sound corny, lame or old-fashioned. The darker this world gets, the more "old-fashion" I could use.
I will never stop wanting to have a good time but now I know it's not a place I have to find. I can bring it with me wherever I go.
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This is me at 17, about halfway through my party days. This girl's getting ready for a pretty bumpy ride but I'm glad to say, she made it out.
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Studio 3:33 -"Chi Rho:The Oldest Monogram for Christ" - August 28, 2010
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