A Simple Question to Avoid a World of Conflict

Beloved of God,

Today's message actually requires some set up so I'll start with the point right up front: Sometimes avoiding conflict can be as simple as asking one question, neutrally not defensively, "What did you mean by that?" Sometimes I'll say it this way:  "This is what I heard. Is that what you meant?"  I  can't think of a time I have ever regretted asking. I have definitely regretted remaining silent and working under assumptions.  This pause in the conversation helps in so many ways:
-When you acknowledge that your interpretation might be wrong, the speaker appreciates getting the benefit of the doubt.
-Gaining the reputation of a thoughtful listener builds trust.
-It allows the speaker to clarify the misunderstanding but if it IS what they meant it also allows them to see the
impact of their words.
- If you know this person loves and/or respects you, take their answer at face value. Don't make your misperception their responsibility. You just may have some things to work through on your own.

Three instances got me thinking about how conflict can escalate when we don't take the time to ask the right questions:

1) I usually get my inspiration for writing  around 4 in the morning. (A priest once told me 4 AM is often called "God time" or more recently, Heavenly standard time. It must be the only part of my day I'm quiet enough to listen to Him properly!) Because I'm up, this is usually the time I hear from people in the Philippines. At 4 AM here, it's 5 PM there. One morning I woke up without any real idea about what it was God wanted me to share. As I was prayerfully asking, this question popped up on my Instant Messenger, "Hello again my friend, can I ask you another question ? What is that the meaning of  'holy cow' ? ". I explained it was usually an expression of surprise and this was her answer: "Because I felt bad to that words.... and asking myself  does  he telling me that  I'm a cow??? I'm not an animal..." How wise of her to acknowledge there are words and phrases that require her to seek out a translation and clarification.  She didn't let a language barrier turn into miscommunication.

Christians can speak a different language than the secular world.  For example, we use the word "sin" very comfortably, even as an uncomfortable topic.  The secular world may interpret sin as condemnation, judgement and lofty separation but Christians also understand that it speaks of grace and mercy, redemption and inclusion, love and forgiveness.  Oh, beloved, I pray that we would be asked about tthe meaning of sin before someone turns away from God because they didn't. And I pray even more that our explanation reflects the same grace that God shows to us.

2) In this entry, I'm including a picture of me thinking and a picture of me angry. They are NOT the same picture. I truly had no idea they looked the same on my face until my young daughter thought to ask, "Mommy, are you upset?" and I was just concentrating on a project! I was grieved that anyone may have thought I was upset in the past but I was also so relieved that the  question was asked to avoid future misunderstanding. I would never want anyone avoiding me during a simple time of intense focus! In that moment, my daughter changed a key component of communication in our family.  How wise of her to take the time to dig deeper when she realized that what she saw on the surface did not tell the whole story. She didn't let silence turn to misunderstanding.

I often think Christianity can get so misunderstood because a few look at it one way and respond with what they THINK they know, oftentimes only seeing part of the story.  I know I did. You can't know the character of Jesus or a religion by one verse.  The simple question, "Is this what you/Jesus/the Bible meant to say?" could clarify so much.  Of course, if the answer doesn't line up with what they want to hear it can present a problem but at least a dialogue has begun!

3) As an essential oil instructor, I am often asked questions that are a result of bloggers providing old or incorrect information.  In a blog there are no editors to hold you accountable before you hit PUBLISH. Oftentimes blogs are an opportunity to regurgitate existing BAD information, perpetuating myths, fear and paranoia.  Of course there are also legitimate blogs that ARE accurate and CAN be relied upon for expertise but we must research the difference and not take everything at face value.  How wise to ask questions and create two sides of what is designed to be a one-sided conversation.  We shouldn't let the seeking of knolwedge keep us misinformed.

My friends, even as the media's battle cry is for equality what it actually means is it is equality meant only for some, the ones fitting the network's agenda.  Unfortunately, it's rare now to find news for news sake. Most of the commentary, deliberately selected images and power bias is designed to move our minds in those directions. Unbiased information in the media feels like a thing of the past and it keeps people at constant odds with one another. Because of this, it's mission critical to be authentic, visible, compassionate, interactive and a PARTICIPANT in the world's well-being.

Encourage the question, "Is that what you meant?" and ask it YOURSELVES.  Let's get back to relevant communication and not just go by what we THINK we know.