The Death of If/Then

Brothers and Sisters who are loved by God,

I think one of Satan's greatest tools in the destruction of relationships are sentences that include these words: "If he/she would just ___ , then I would ___ ."

For example:
- If he would just be more romantic, then I would feel more loving.
- If she would just like the same things I do, then I would want to spend more time with her.
- If he would just eat healthier and exercise, then I would be able to lose weight too.
- If she would just stop nagging me then I would listen to her more often.
- If he would just apologize, then I would forgive him.

Here's how Satan gets us: All of these are true.

Each one of these sentences appear reasonable.  They make sense. Many people reading them have spoken these very words or a similar version.  This is exactly why we get tripped up: Satan loves to disguise lies with truth.

The problem with the If/Then sentence is it looks like a growth statement but it's actually put us in a holding pattern. While we are waiting for someone else to change, we don't grow ourselves. We've displaced responsibility from ourselves to someone else so their inaction gives our own inaction an excuse to continue.  Excuses replace solutions. The enemy would love to leave us where we are.

The If/Then prevents love from flourishing.  How can there be room when judgement, resentment, ridicule, anger, hopelessness, fatigue and loneliness take its place? Love becomes a shadow of its former glory. The devil wants to replace love with hate.

These declarations don't accept people where they are and who they were created to be.  We try to bend people to our will with threats, manipulation, empty promises, and withholding.  EVEN GOD does not force people to bend to His will but the enemy wants to see you try.

I know people are insensitive, callous, lazy, self-serving, mean and pitiful. We only need to look in the mirror to see that. Oh, but beloved, those are snapshots of who we are. That is certainly not the flesh and the bone of us, the intellect and the soul of us, the color and the brilliance of us!  Have a dogged determination to forgive! Celebrate the differences! Try new activities! Enabler... heal...thy...SELF!  Lucifer is a warden who doesn't want the prisoners to know they're holding the keys.

My husband likes to say, "Satan wants us concentrating on our differences. God put us together because we compliment each other."  Does this mean you stick around when things are abusive or dangerous? I hope you know better than that. GET OUT. Does it mean we disappear for the sake of someone else?  If you have faded to a shadow, stop wasting the purpose of your own life and grow a backbone! The point is, when you are not in danger and you're not being weak, walking away shouldn't be easy. Love is worth the fight and if it's hard to find, it's worth the hunt.

Sometimes it takes a little digging to find the gem. Miners will tell you the dirt and the sacrifice are worth the tiniest diamond.  What if they stopped after a few shovel fulls, just short of untold wealth? And yes, sometimes it requires an explosion to find your treasure.  Change can be the TNT you need. Dare to do, be, say, expect or think something different.   The best relationships start with you.