Mentor Wanted

When you are the daughter of two working  parents, the oldest child separated from the next sibling by 8 years AND you move every 3 years, you become a few things:
- I can be bossy, fiercely independent and it doesn't often occur to me to seek counsel from someone else.
-I find answers when I have a question. On occasion, I'll actually ask.
- If something doesn't work the way I want it to, I keep fiddling with it and thinking about it until it's something I can live with.
- I have to change my environment regularly.
- I make connections easily but I can disconnect just as easily.
- I can be very self-centered. I'm especially bad at popping my head up from my own activities to see what other people are doing.

These traits served me when I had to get things done on my own and had to get through a lifetime of hellos and goodbyes. Relationships had a high turnover rate so depth, for me, was not possible. "Childhood friend" is a completely foreign concept.  Being self-sufficient was a necessity for me as a child but as an adult, it becomes a problem: I don't know what I don't know because I haven't bothered to ask anyone else.

I have been independent for so long, I'm yearning for some nurturing. I have started to pray for a mentor, a "spiritual mom", if you will. At a casual glance, independent people can be mistakenly perceived as not needing accountability or advice or guidance...but we do.  We've just managed to adapt without their consistent appearance.

However, God doesn't want us this way. We are called to be DEPENDENT on each other, to fill in the gaps for one another and to lean on someone else's strengths while lending our own.  This is God's Church at its best and through attending church, I'm learning the value of deep ties and community.  I'm in a wonderful stage of "undoing" who I've been.
It's a season of reconnecting, continuing my education and gratitude. I have been unwise in not asking for counsel in my youth. I pray that age continues to temper my pride and I'm ready to receive it.