Points of Suffering

When I think about my points of suffering, two things come to mind:  Watching my dad die of cancer and Mark's 8 months of unemployment, back to back. Because of these two pivotal times in my life I have a KNOWLEDGE that during suffering, not only is God present, He  PRESSES IN.  I never feared God would leave. What I feared was my free will.  Bone crushing worry can change a person and take your mind. I knew God would not let me go but my breath prayer for these two unrelenting years was this: "Don't let me walk off your hand."  Suffering requires VIGILANCE, an awareness that your pain is altering your perspective but that it does not change your TRUTH.  Two things saved me during this time of worldly suffering:  I surrendered it to God and I expected Him to bless it.  I reminded myself of this plan with my other breath prayer: "Make this count." (In other words, if there is a lesson, teach me. If there must be pain, show me the blessing. If I have to hurt, reveal Yourself to me.)  As I look back at those circumstsnces, a little battle-worn but battle-wise, I can honestly tell you it was a time of underlying joy (yes, even with the presence of cancer. With faith upon my dad's lips, I can look forward to our reunion in heaven), blessings were abundant and it was dotted with miracles (the miracle of peace, for example). We were escorted through the wilderness by a faithful God.