I am a Flawed Christian

November 9, 2012

I think it is imperative I tell you that I know I'm a flawed Christian. As my plus size body tells you, I struggle with the desires of my flesh. Sometimes my patience gets thin and I yell. I don't read my Bible every day. I have missed opportunities to be helpful. I don't consistently talk about what Jesus has done in my life and many times I have said "God" instead of "Jesus" to avoid a possible offense in "mixed company". I am very much a flawed Christian. On January 4th, 2009 I gave my life to Christ. I had no idea what that meant, where I was headed or how that intellectual decision would manifest itself. I just knew in that moment, the only thought that registered was, "Despite your best efforts, I found you", and with the overwhelming LOVE that came with it, I knew it was God. I wanted to be a part of anything that made me feel THAT whole. Since then, I have said many times that I wished Christians had marketed themselves better or I wouldn't have missed out for so long! Before becoming a Christian, I thought it was a club that would never accept me unless I had certain boxes checked off, they were trying to keep me from certain "rights" and they were hypocrites who attended church on Sundays and did what they wanted the rest of the week. The big secret, however, is The Perfect Christian is an oxymoron. There is no such thing because we are all HUMAN and humanity is flawed! As a Christian, I don't know how to be better than you. I've got so much hurt and brokenness to work through on my own I am in no position to judge yours. I can't be better than you when we are the same. I'm just trying to be better than who I've been and my faith gives me that fighting chance. Since becoming a Christian, I am more aware of the hurts that extend beyond my own, I am more deliberate about being helpful, I want you to leave me feeling loved and I am PASSIONATE about my joy. Do I believe you have to be Christian to have all that in you? Of course not! Will you catch me on a bad day when I get it ALL WRONG? Of course! --- But for me, my faith (and please don't confuse that with religion) has given me the best chance to be the best me and I feel loved all the time, despite all my flaws...