Peace. It's a Choice.
This entry had originally been titled "Finding Peace is Easy. Now Keeping It..."; that is, until I got to the end of writing it...
In the middle of the night, I awakened with such a restless spirit that I went to prayer: "Lord, grant me peace..." Almost immediately, I felt a warmth begin in my stomach and it continued throughout my body. It was such a lovely feeling of well-being and safety. I was at peace. I longed to stay in the comfort of my heavenly father's embrace but as it always happens, the beginning of a new day brought its worries. I could feel a renewed tightening in my guts. It wasn't that the Father was releasing me, it was more that I was trading His strength for my worry. It pains me to write that and I wish I could tell you it didn't happen as often as it does. In the midst of my worry, there IS prevailing joy...but peace. It continues to elude me.
There is so much that I struggle with: Comparing our giving this year to last year, before our circumstances changed everything; having to untangle my feelings of having a relationship with my biological father, when my dad, who loved me through my life and claimed me as his own, is gone; having to say "no" to my child over and over as we "rebuild" from 8 months of unemployment AND it's Christmas time; the feeling of being so weak when it comes to food and needed home repairs that will bring debt. It's hard to find peace.
As I type that last sentence, however, I feel God speaking into my heart, "Peace is a choice." Peace. It's a choice. Peace can't be stolen; it can, however, be given up. The restlessness comes when we rely on our own perspective and not God's: We may not have money to give but we can give of ourselves; I am called to honor my father, not give up the love for my dad; Marianne is already rich in love and she has more than most of the children in this world, even in our town; my God has blessed me so much that I have to be concerned about being over-weight, and not the starvation that occurs in millions of others and I have shelter while others face homelessness. Peace is a choice. And I choose peace.
In the middle of the night, I awakened with such a restless spirit that I went to prayer: "Lord, grant me peace..." Almost immediately, I felt a warmth begin in my stomach and it continued throughout my body. It was such a lovely feeling of well-being and safety. I was at peace. I longed to stay in the comfort of my heavenly father's embrace but as it always happens, the beginning of a new day brought its worries. I could feel a renewed tightening in my guts. It wasn't that the Father was releasing me, it was more that I was trading His strength for my worry. It pains me to write that and I wish I could tell you it didn't happen as often as it does. In the midst of my worry, there IS prevailing joy...but peace. It continues to elude me.
There is so much that I struggle with: Comparing our giving this year to last year, before our circumstances changed everything; having to untangle my feelings of having a relationship with my biological father, when my dad, who loved me through my life and claimed me as his own, is gone; having to say "no" to my child over and over as we "rebuild" from 8 months of unemployment AND it's Christmas time; the feeling of being so weak when it comes to food and needed home repairs that will bring debt. It's hard to find peace.
As I type that last sentence, however, I feel God speaking into my heart, "Peace is a choice." Peace. It's a choice. Peace can't be stolen; it can, however, be given up. The restlessness comes when we rely on our own perspective and not God's: We may not have money to give but we can give of ourselves; I am called to honor my father, not give up the love for my dad; Marianne is already rich in love and she has more than most of the children in this world, even in our town; my God has blessed me so much that I have to be concerned about being over-weight, and not the starvation that occurs in millions of others and I have shelter while others face homelessness. Peace is a choice. And I choose peace.
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3:33 Art: "Giving it All to Him" - August 11, 2010
exceptional.
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